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Author
Sir Ludwig Charles Dodgson Beethoven Goes out on the town borogrovin’. Where he jabberwocks boles And gamboles at holes, Gulumphing his wee slithy tove in. Composer A masterful player was Mozart. He loved making young divas’ throatzpart. They would set their lips on His conducting baton While he bellowed as loud as a goatzfart. Crooner A crooner there was from Nantucket Who carried a tune in a bucket Each time that he sang Of poon or of tang Everyone told him to shut the hell up. Cousins Dear friends, I will give you the gist On cousins who like to get kissed: It’s nice when they sneak Their tongue in your cheek But best when they lend you a fist. Sisters Your sister, I've kissed her, it's true. And now, here's a kiss just for you. Right after we kiss, I'll fark you like sis And merrily skip to the loo. Carlita Carlita is loath to refrain. It pisses her off to abstain. What crumbles her cookie Is not lack of nookie. It's absence of sweet Mary Jane. Gardner A mason, though limp in the dick, Developed a new way to fick. When a girl in the garden Demanded a hard-on, He fondled her muff with a brick. Dealer A dealer of drugs, Herb Alashka, Had weed that was hot as tabashka. One whiff of his spice And a girl that was nice Would screw a man twice for his hashka. Lawyer Let’s talk about barristers’ lies: They promise the moon and the skies. I’d rather have beers That are served in brassieres With a shake and a bucket of thighs. Hippichick I diddled a chick that did tye-dye. Did I say that I did her? I lied, I Delighted her though, But decided to go. I ask myself daily-- Oh, why’d I? President Thomas Jefferson calmly debarked From the Page on the desk where he’d parked, But his frolicsome nature Had smudged his John H, ‘Er, I'll sign it again.’ He re-marked. Robin Holy Men, Said the Robin to Batman, Are lost as to where it is at, man. They purport to be pious And then ply us with bias… Like Adam, not monkeys, begat man. Rookie The pitcher's new wife likes to holler At games about matters that gall her. She says she must find A stud more refined-- Her husband is such a base baller. Tailor When a fella announced he was gay, He was told he dressed wrong for a fey. So, he shoved his left nut Up the crack in his butt. Now he’s dressed right, all the way. Valentine The couplet I wrote for my Valentine Did not please that besotted old gal o' mine. When I sang her a song About my fat schlong, She left me to diddle a pal o’ mine. Wife My wife says I might be misusing And possibly, even, abusing Myself in as much As I touch my nonesuch; But she finds my perversions amusing. Joker A lass with a long leather choker Had lassoed the Pocono Joker. He needed no urgin' To diddle that virgin— He stripped her without playing poker. Nurse There once was a randy old nurse That used Jell-o and drugs to coerce Two patients to spin Head to toe, crotch to chin, And other acts just as perverse. Welshman There once was a Welshman from Wales No tears did he shed… only wails. The unfortunate bloke Poked his eye in midstroke Harpooning a pod of blue whales. The whales, they were blue, that is right. But it's not for those fish that I write. I mourn for that joker, The last words he spoke were— I wanted to work as a wright. I would rather live life on the road Instead of those dinghies I rowed. Now I’m headed for hell, But that’s just as well; In Hell there are hos to be rode. |
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