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| Jester A Jester played cards with Queen Bess. He advised her to wager her dress. She had a fine pair, But a flush laid her bare. Oh, bugger, she said, somebody kill that jester. To stall her, the clown made a plea, Some crumpets and two pots of tea. With pomp he poured out A cup and no doubt A spoonful of sugar or three. As soon as Queen Bess drank it up She started to hump like a pup. She knew that the jester Had hoped to molest 'er So, she lopped off his head. It went… plup. Elizabeth Elizabeth strolled in the rain One evening during her reign. Ere she stepped in some mud, Raleigh covered the crud. To thank him she gave him free rein. So Walt put the Queen on a burro And led her from borough to borough. When they came to a field She quietly squealed That she was his furrow to burrow. Upon inspection ‘twas true, she was holey, And she shared all her holes with him wholly Based on her lust And after they’d fussed She slept like the sainted and holy. When she wakened, Elizabeth bawled That she never again would get balled. She wailed that forsooth, She was long in the tooth And under her crown she was bald. That cunning young captain, Walt Raleigh, Bowed deeply then fired this volley, "You will never grow old And though I make bold, More folly with you would be jolly." He proceeded to strut like a rooster. His pecker got bigger than Worcester. But to his dismay She waddled away. So, he came from behind and he goosed ’r. Sir Walter, she yelped, I do yield, And to prove it, her Majesty kneeled! With nary a quiver She swallowed a river, Though a bit on her lip was congealed. Yet, this tale of Queen Bess and Sir Walter Was destined to come to a falter. He was beheaded for spite, But She admitted one night That he was Her Cock of Gibraltar. Queen God save our illustrious Queen Her sense of decorum is keen. She never goes down On a knight or a clown Until she has swilled Listerine. Yes, Bess is a noble old bean. She is never absurd or obscene. She loves to lick candy And when she gets randy Her scepter gets worn to a sheen. The Queen and the Author are friends. Their fetishes set the new trends. They dally and dance And pull down their pants And that's how this Cock ‘n Bull ends. |
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