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| Grimm Two vigorous brothers named Grimm Got buttloads of fantasy trim. Soon, all of the fairies And Contrary Marys Were filled to the brim with their vim. Gruff There once were Three Billy Goats Gruff. The youngest one swum in the buff. The in-between goat, He watered the moat. The eldest went diving for muff. Little Red A maiden they called Little Red Found Grandmother lying in bed With the Wolf. And she cried "My Grandmother died But you can eat me in her stead." Gingerbread There once was a Gingerbread Man That spent all his time in the can. You'd think that the twit Had gone there to… sit, But he had a more sinister* plan. * English is shifty as sand. It has changed since these ditties were scanned. When this story took place To the Devil's disgrace, 'Sinister' meant the left hand. So go back and examine verse one And you'll see that the son-of-a-gun Was not a bad cookie; When he could not get nookie, He did what we all would have done. Elf The unicorn said to the elf, "Never more will you pleasure yourself On my magical horn." The elf was forlorn Til she played with herself on a shelf. Pigs Have you heard of the Three Little Pigs? They lived in conservative digs. Then a wolf we’ll call Mo Gave each one a blow. And that's when they ceased to be prigs. Horner Have you heard about little Jack Horner? He frittered his time in the corner Where he twiddled his thumbs And diddled his chums While speaking in tongues like a for’ner. Bears While the phonograph played, so did Goldilocks. "Come bump with me Mama, this oldie rocks! But Papa and son Shall never get none. From their smell I foretell they have moldy-cocks." Charming And then there was royal Prince Charming. His hijinks were somewhat alarming. When he blew his kazoo There was naught we could do. ‘Twas only himself he was harming. Beauty Prince Charming was guarding Miss Beauty. She seduced him by calling him 'Cutie'. As their lovemaking crested, The Prince was arrested For sleeping with Beauty on duty. Jack & Jill A clumsy young fellow was Jack. He went to the well near his shack. He tripped on the hill And rolled into Jill. They tumbled right into the sack. In a minute or seven Miss Jill Returned to the hillock to fill The hole in her bucket, But Jack said to chuck it. She did and he gave her a thrill. Which leaves us to tell of the pail That Jill had so blithely let sail. It flew like a fart Concussing King Art Who fell as he yelled 'Holy Grail!' Liza There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, And the hole in my dick is a geysa Of love for you cuz My heart is a-buzz And no-one at home is the wiza. Dwarves When the Dwarves first shacked up with Snow White They gave her one hell of a fright. But they took her to heaven When six of the seven Did her all day and all night. Sneezy There once was a dwarf they called Sneezy Whose breathing got raspy and wheezy At the sight of Snow White. So she asked him one night, "Are you sick, you old prick, or just sleazy?" Dopey That daffy old dwarf they called Dopey Was known far and wide to be gropey. When he grabbed for Snow White He caught her… not quite… For the maiden was naked and soapy. Doc There once was a dwarf they called Doc Who was in for a singular shock. While checking Snow White's Nethers for mites, Her snapper clamped down on his cock. Happy There once was a dwarf they called Happy. His manner of wooing was snappy. When he lay with Snow White For a day and a night He constantly asked "Who's your pappy?" Grumpy There once was a dwarf they called Grumpy. His thingy was bumpy and stumpy. For he and Snow White Had fought a huge fight And she kicked him until it got lumpy. Sleepy There once was a dwarf they called Sleepy Who slept in an Indian tepee. He paid a few whores To sleep out-of-doors But the whores wouldn't go. He was creepy. Bashful There once was a dwarf they called Bashful. He ate out Snow White in a flash. Full Though he was, It gave him a buzz, So he lapped up another moostashful. Bleu Little Boy Bleu… 'nough said. |
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