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| Arthur King Arthur of Camelot’s fable Once diddled a wench in the gable, The bedroom, the den, And then they diddled again In that puddle of mud by the stable. Lancelot King Art had his champion, Lancelot, Who was known to cavort and to prancelot. He oft times was seen At night with the Queen Getting into and out of her pantselot. Guinevere When Guinevere, Camelot’s Queen, Found herself caught in between The King and his knight, She was very contrite, But found it too hard to come clean. When her conscience caught up with the Queen, Her solution was worse than obscene. She ended their fun By becoming a nun-- Oh how could that twat be so mean? Merlin A wiz of a wizard was Merlin. His magic set Nimue hurlin’ Around in her bed Until she was dead. How's that for a post-mortem whirlin'? Mordred King Art had a bastard called Mordred. It was rumoured that Mordred was whore-bred; And his mother, Morgana, Was a human piranha As witchy as Agnes of Moorehead. When Morgana and Arthur played Twister, She led him astray when he kissed her. For she was bound not to tell He was under a spell And also that she was his sister. Thus Morgana and Art had a son And Camelot's end was begun. Like Oedipus Rex He killed after sex And died for the deed he had done. Robin Hood Have you heard about Robin the Hood? As bad as he was he done good. He gave ill-gotten moneys To downtrodden honeys. They thanked him much more than they should. Marian They say that the maiden called Marian Engages in thrustin’ and parryin’. She is reputedly bad, But she's never been had; According to her there’s a cherry in. Nottingham In Warwick there lived an old sheriff Who said to his wench "I don't care if You strain at the cuffs Just stop your rebuffs Or I'll triple your streetwalking tariff." She was enjoying his S & M game And promised to give him the same. For the rest of the night She put up a fight. When at last he succumbed, she succame. Tuck There once was a friar named Tuck. Have you noticed that Tuck rhymes with-- Nah, that’s just too easy. Little There once was a man, Little John Who fell for a lily-white swan. But his love was no use For the birdie was Zeus Replaying his old Leda con. So John gave his loins a good gird And grabbed that Olympian bird. He was going to stuff it When Little Miss Muffet Said "This is just way too absurd, Would you care for a tuffet of gin?" "Oh, you must have just let yourself in." Said big Little John, "I shall cook you a swan. You are looking so pale and so thin." But Zeus would not stay in the pot And was back to himself in a jot. And though he was porridge-y, He started an orridge-y With Miss Muffet and John on the spot. Ever wonder why John was called 'Little'? It's because he was able to whittle Very small things Like fairy-cock rings, And not because he had a small penis. Scarlet There once was a fellow, Will Scarlett, That started a fight with a varlet That diddled his wife But to his great strife It turns out his wife was a harlot. Medieval Beshrew all this Medieval crap. I would rather be shopping at Gap Or spanking a skank Whose crotch is so rank A skunk would not sit in her lap. |
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