- The Weekly Mop-Up
- (Week One Observations)
by
Keith Schweigert
- September 11, 2002
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- Anyway, here's a look at how things went:
THE WINNERS: Eric K's Spring Avenue Rough Housers got off to a red-hot start, hanging 117 points on Bruce's hapless Pez. Carried by strong performances from QB Michael Vick (27 points), his RB tandem of Eddie George and LaDanian Thomlinson (21 each) and WR Rod Gardner (19 points), Eric's team was too hot to handle. Round 1 of the fierce rivalry between Rick and Steve ended in a decisive decision for Rick, as It's All Ball Bearings pummeled the defending champs 117-92. A four-TD day from RB Priest Holmes led the way, but WR Marty Booker (25 pts) and QB Aaron Brooks (22 pts) contributed as well.
While I'll do my best to remain objective, I have to give a nod to my Ragin' Rednecks, who rode a 34-point game from Travis Henry to a 110-62 win over Tom's Fighting Goobers. After taking some good-natured ribbing for deciding at the last minute to pull Amani Toomer (and thereby losing his 13-point night vs. SF), I redeemed myself with the late lineup addition of Henry, who got me 149 rushing yards and 3 TDs.
And let's hear it for everyone's favorite post-draft whipping-boy, Todd. After listening to everyone dump on his selection of Shane Matthews, he got the last laugh by watching Matthews deliver 31 points as Chico's Bailbonds put up 110 points against Troy's Lancaster Raiders. Matthews' production was the highest of the week for any quarterback, including venerable names like Kurt Warner (12) and Jeff Garcia (14). Of course, Matthews and the 'Skins were up against the pathetic Cardinals, so let's not start sucking each other's dicks just yet, gentlemen.
Another owner who takes an extraordinary amount of draft abuse is Eric Stark, but his Viagra Big Men came on strong with a 109-point performance in Week 1.
THE LOSERS: Despite its respectable 91-point showing, Grandpa's Meat found itself on the downside in Week 1, as Rick took the early battle for bragging rights in the Lititz Division. To make matters worse for Steve, fate delivered him a cruel double-whammy as his beloved Dallas Cowboys were humiliated by the expansion Houston Texans in ESPN's Sunday Night game. Rumor has it that Steve was last seen mumbling incoherently about how his Cowboys defense was still a great pick as he slipped into a Schaefer's-induced coma.
Rookie owner Nick got a harsh welcome to the league, as his Mystery Machine was nipped by Eric Stark's Viagra Big Men 109-86. Solid efforts from Rich Gannon (21 points) and Ahman Green (19 points) wasn't enough for Nick, as Eric's Big Men got 43 combined points from Stephen Davis and Ricky Williams.
Bruce, still waiting for that miraculous comeback by Dominic Rhodes, got a respectable 19 points from Warrick Dunn, but his third-round reach for Clinton Portis proved disasterous in his loss to the Rough Housers. Portis managed to outscore the inactive Rhodes by just three points, negating an otherwise solid showing by the Pez. Bruce is reportedly scanning the free agent wire to find a suitable replacement for Rhodes, but alas - Rocky Blier has decided to remain retired.
PLAYERS OF THE WEEK: For RBs, look no further than Holmes and Henry, who combined for 261 rushing yards and seven touchdowns. Matthews, McNabb and Vick were the top three QBs, but only Mathews' came in a winning effort (not that we fantasy owners care about who wins and loses). Marty Booker was the top receiver by far, with 25 points. David Boston and Rod Gardner both scored 19, but weren't even in Booker's league.
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Will the shootouts from Week 1 - which saw four different teams crack the century mark - carry over into Week 2?
Will Grandpa's Meat rebound from its opening-week shelling?
Will the Eagles defense crush Todd's fantasy hopes and dreams by humbling his exalted QB?
The answers to these questions and more lie ahead. Tune in next week - same Bat time, same Bat channel.
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With Week 1 safely behind us, it's time to analyze the winners and losers. I'm hoping this will become a weekly feature, unless time constraints or lack of interest scuttle it. And, of course, my wife could balk at me devoting any more time to fantasy football. You can relate, right, Steve?