Boston is back, David that is, and so is our beloved Round-Up. That's right boys, I took a few days off, traveling to the exotic realms of Mesopotamia, in search of the famed Rosetta Stone. With it, I propose that we will once and for all be able to communicate with our good friend Mr. Nick.

And as a profound champion of originality's cause, I have decided to name my column "The Butcher Shop." The Mop-Up is Keith's creation, and while Richard will likely continue to steal from the fruit juicy mind of our favorite high school sports journalist (sorry Bruce), I for one will respect his sovereign rights.

So, ladies and gentleman (and trust me, I know there are a few of you ladies out there ... coming out is en vogue, Garner), I unveil for you the first-ever, most-amazing, truely heart-stopping - THE BUTCHER SHOP!

As I said a few words ago, David Boston is back; and riding comfortably on his coattails is Troy Shaffer and his intimidating Lancaster Raiders (that must have been the name of some pathetic intermural football team at Millersville University, I suspect). At any rate, my point wasn't to make fun of Troy, it was to honor his reluctance to trade Boston, the pride of Camp Shottenheimer. Troy has shown that hanging on to an underachieving fantasy disappointment is the advisable route. It's a long season, folks, and too many fantasy owners have a tendancy to throw in the towel too early.

Boston's league-high 31 points in week 5 was a deciding factor in Troy's trouncing of Rick's de-chachinated Baios, 112 to 82.

Another week 5 phenomenon was Seeber's 78-80 loss to Gang Green (sealed nicely by Jeff Garcia's 28-point outing). The two-point loss isn't the issue here. What's more alarming is that Grandpa's Meat, a team that relies heavily on free agent transactions and unfair trades for its success, has yet to make a single change to his original draft. The Meat got off to a hot start, but after three forgettable weeks in a row, how much longer can this stubbornness continue? Looking at the league's latest poll question, it would appear that a majority of our team owners believe that Steve's 5-QB draft strategy has blown up in his face. Ah, the joy of someone else's suffering...

While the league sits back and relishes Steve's demise, it is worth noting that draft dynamos Tom and Rick are playing pretty good football right now, and I think they will be in the thick of things at the end of the season.

Tom finished week 5 with 97 points and a win over Garner's injury-riddled squad. Portis, Moss, Garner, Ward, and Maddox will be hard to beat week-to-week, but if you're facing The Fightin' Goobs in the near future, you do stand a chance. Randy Moss has a bye in week 6, Maddox (and guilty by association, Ward) is struggling, and Garner is part of a very average Raiders football team. Tom illustrated his QB concern this week by picking up free agents Doug Johnson (a smart move, considering he has Vick on his bench) and Kyle Boller. Surprisingly he still has Maddox in the starting line-up. Boller, who will be throwing against Arizona, would be the logical start.

And Rick, who posted a respectable 82 in week 5, is showing that efficient free agent maneuvers can make a difference in the face of adversity. His draft-dominance ranking was in large part due to Preist Holmes and the high expectations for Kurt Warner. Holmes has become average during the past two weeks, and Warner is proving to be one of the busts of the draft. However, the winners in this league are the ones who can make adjustments. And Rick is doing just that. Picking up Gus Frerotte, even for just one week, virtually saved Rick from a week 5 disaster. And the emergence of Michael Pittman could rectify the huge disappointment commonly known as Stacey Mack. Rick's team is a shell of its original self, but he has shown the grit of a true champion, scrambling each and every week to make the adjustments necessary to remain competitive. In a nutshell, Rick is a true inspiration! But as we head into week 6, two recent and questionable free agent pickups could completely derail my complimentary analysis of Colning Scott Baio. Keenan McCardell, well past his prime, was a knee-jerk reaction to a career Monday night game; and Ricky Williams (the other) may not start another game this year. A waste of $6 in my opinion.

One of the hottest teams at the moment is Crazy Nick and his Mysterious Machine. Riding high on MVP candidate Steve McNair (30 points in week 5), Nick is currently tied with Todd's Turd Burglars in the overall standings (462 points). But I think I see an Achilles Heal. Pull McNair's 30 points from the mix, and the rest of Nick's team (seven positions) managed a mere 53 points. Amani Toomer (3 points) and Plaxico Burress (1 point) are struggling, mainly because their teams are struggling. But if the Steelers and Giants continue on their current path, Nick could suffer, because his only other WR is the ultra-struggling Jerry Rice. Ultimately, Nick's team could be tough to beat this year, and I think he is emerging as the true draft champion. Barring injury, McNair will finish as the league MVP, Ahman Green is currently the league's top rusher, Anthony Thomas' stock is beginning to rise, Toomer and Burress will most likely return to their usual fantasy prowess, and Randy McMichael is the number two receiver in Miami (not a bad situation at the TE slot). I like Nick's team to win it all this year.

But let's not count out the Turd Burglars. At 5-0 in head-to-head competition, Todd's team will battle Nick to the very end. Playing without stud QB Marc Bulger (bye), stud RB Jamal Lewis (bye), and occasional stud RB Corey Dillon (injury), Todd still managed to maintain his undefeated status (82 to 76 over the Rough Pants). That's freakin' impressive. Picking up Rudi Johnson (13 pts.) was the payoff. Factor in a good outing from his backup QB (Favre, 19 pts.), 11 points from Shockey, and 12 points from the Miami Defense, and Ruth weathered the storm in true championship form. Nice work, hats off, etc. Now go fuck yourself.

While Todd and Nick may be the front-runners, Weapons of Mass Destruction is sneaking in under the radar. A 99 point week 5, 3-2 head-to-head record, and 423 total points (just 39 behind the leaders) puts Keith in great striking position. The strength of this lineup is at RB, with Stephen Davis and the Carolina Panthers having a huge year at this infant phase of the season. Add to that the continued growth of Patrick Ramsey, the logic-defying Moe Williams, and the Chief's rediscovery of Tony Gonzalez, and you've got one hell of a strange-looking, but very good fantasy football team. His one weakness, wide receivers. Ashley Lelie, Ike Hilliard, Peter Warrick... no one stands out here. Keith does get Torry Holt back for week 6, and it couldn't come at a better time, as he'll be facing the undefeated Turd Burglars. This, my friends, is the fantasy match-up of the week; and the Butcher Shop predicts that Ruth will suffer his first loss of the season.

And this leaves us with five teams who, in my opinion, are still searching for identity.

The Spring Avenue Rough Housers, Glazed Fasnachts, and Gang Green have yet to crest the 400 mark in total points; and The Pez, at 424, is the victim of first round dud Donovan McNabb's poor play (McNabb has thrown 1 touchdown in four games of football).

Is the Butcher Shop bullying these five teams?

The Pez - McNabb sucks, Zereoue is slowly losing carries to Bettis and the Steelers are falling apart, Hearst is sharing carries and was injured in week 5, John Kitna is his only backup, and his only other running back options are Dorsey Levens, Musa Smith, and Willis McGahee. This is a weak team with no bench to support it.

The Rough Housers - Jake Plummer is inconsistent and hurt and Kelly Holcomb is the backup, Deuce McAllister and the Saints are a huge disappointment this year, Eddie George is brittle, Troy Hambrick shows occasional flashes of fantasy value, Eric felt the need to pick up Olandis Gary, Eric Moulds is hurt and Bledsoe is having trouble finding the endzone, and Dante Hall is not going to score a TD every week. The one thing that could salvage this team - Anquan Boldin, a.k.a. free agent pickup of the year.

The Glazed Fasnachts - Culpepper's bad back, Marcel Shipp in the starting lineup, William Green off to another slow start, Duce Staley averages about 2 yards per carry, Jim Kleinsasser was the biggest waste of $5 in league history, Marty Booker is stuck with Kordell Stewart, Tim Brown is old and plays for the equally old Raiders, LaDainian Tomlinson doesn't look like a first round pick, has to choose between Vinny Testaverde and Brad Johnson every week... do I need to go on?

Gang Green - Jeff Garcia and Terrell Owens hate eachother, Lamar Gordon will lose his job in about three weeks, Onterrio Smith peaked in week 5, Joe Horn is stuck with Aaron Brooks, Brandan has Aaron Brooks, Brandan also has the Saints defense, too many Saints on one fantasy team, Charles Rogers has a broken collar bone, and two words - Marc Boerighter. Gang Green's one saving grace is Ricky Williams (the real). And if Garcia can put up decent numbers, he has a chance to finish in the middle of the pack this year - not bad for a rookie.

Brickyard Bullies - This team is an injury bug casualty. Losing Marshall Faulk hurts, but Dave has picked himself up by the bootstraps and has some promise with Quincy Carter (heading the NFL's number one offense), Fred Taylor, Peerless Price, Laveranues Coles, and Mike Cloud. But losing Faulk is what kills this team, which is now forced to start Mike Anderson at the second running back spot. If Cloud pans out, Dave could make a serious comeback and remove himself from this list of losers.

Well folks, it's time for the Butcher Shop to close for the day. I've got 40 lbs. of rump roast named Karin to tenderize and time's a wastin'. Like we say in the biz, "Eat More Bacon!"

Next week: Rick Reitz provides his analysis of Week 6 in this space.

In two weeks: Keith Schweigert chimes in with his thoughts on the league and Week 7.

This column will be written on alternating weeks by Keith, Steve and Rick.