The Week 7 Mop Up: Hot Poker

 

 

 

by Keith Schweigert

LEAF columnist

Oct. 22, 2003

 

Greetings and salutations!

Another week of fantasy football is in the books, and I'm back to take you through the dizzying highs and devastating lows with the Weekly Mop-Up.

 

We have a new leader on top of the pile, as Nick's Mystery Machine booted Todd's Turd Burglars from their lofty perch and took over as The Guy Everyone's Gunning For.

Nick's 101-68 drubbing of the Burglars moved him up from the second spot to No. 1, with 671 points overall. Todd plummeted to third place, with 657 points &endash; just behind Rick Loves Chachi (and if you understand Korean, you'll know just how much), who stands in second with 659 points.

Tom's Fighting Goobers rebounded from a few sub-par weeks to move into fourth place with 600 points despite his 109-95 loss to Rick.

And we had a Grandpa's Meat sighting this week, as league whipping boy Steve put together a 105-point effort to jump up two spots to fifth with 588 points.

The Worst of the Best? That would be my very own Weapons of Mass Destruction. Much like their namesakes in Iraq, they plum disappeared this week with a 69-point output. The shitty week drops me to sixth with 579 points, just ahead of Bruce (574) &endash; who I guess would qualify as the Best of the Worst.

The rest of the bottom six consists of Eric (540), Troy (533), Andy (522), Brendan (490) and Dave (458). Well, that's the Mop-Up. See ya!

*****

Oh, wait. You want more?

Fine.

Here's my breakdown of the contenders and the pretenders:

The Cream of the Crop: Rick, Nick and Todd. These three fellows have been at or near the top of the heap all year long.

Rick has perhaps the most consistent team. His stud RB (Priest Holmes) is the best in the business right now, and his WR tandem of Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson is tough to match. The only potential weakness is at QB, but Trent Green is at least a consistent scorer &endash; if not a fantasy stud.

Nick is right there as well, though. QB Steve McNair is playing his ass off, while Ahman Green is having a career year, too. His WRs are solid. Simply put, Nick can bank on taking some of our money unless he gets hit by the injury bug.

And we might as well get used to the idea of a payday for Todd, too. He swiped Mark Bulger late in the draft, and it's paying off big-time. Jamal Lewis is back in form at RB, and Todd will only get better at that spot as Corey Dillon gets healthy. One potential dark cloud is the inconsistent play at WR, but as Steve so eloquently puts it, "WR's are a dime a dozen."

The Middle of the Pack: Tom, Steve, Keith, Bruce. It's tough to keep Tom off the list of top contenders, but his team has put up some putrid numbers at times this season &endash; he's a little too inconsistent to label him a sure-fire winner. But having Clinton Portis and Randy Moss ensures you of a potential big week every time out. If he gets his QB situation figured out, he'll be right back in it.

Every single one of us made fun of Steve, but here he is in the thick of things once again. He's got solid performers in Hasselbeck and Henry and potential stars every week in Tiki Barber, Joey Galloway and Donte Stallworth. Face it, guys &endash; he's a factor once again.

Modesty prevents me from playing up my team too much. I'll crow a little bit about Moe Williams, who has saved my ass by bailing out Edgerrin James, and I'll brag about Torry Holt and Steven Davis all night. But my complete inability to pick the correct starting quarterback has killed me so far.

Bruce is a another guy we love to pick on, and his legendary luck when it comes to drafting has held true to form once again. Eagles fans everywhere should blame Donovan McNabb's woes on the fact that Bruce picked him in the first round. The rest of Bruce's team is solid, but McNabb is killing him. Just like he's murdering the Birds in real life.

On the outside looking in: Eric, Troy, Andy. Eric will probably resent being left off the middle-of-the-pack list, and any argument he makes would be valid &endash; if he still had Jake Plummer (or Plummer's backup, for that matter) at 100 percent. But Eric's been bitten hard by the injury bug, and Eddie George is weighing him down at RB. With a trade or two, Eric can get right back in it, but for now he might not have enough guns to go the distance.

It's hard to rip a guy who just put up 92 points this week, but Troy hasn't performed well enough on a consistent basis to escape "outsider" status. If Brian Westbrook continues to be the only Philadelphia Eagle to pull his head out of his ass, Troy could make a run at the top. His other RB is Shaun Alexander, so that would be a tough duo to beat &endash; especially when you add Peyton Manning into the mix at QB.

On paper, Andy should be up higher. He's got Brad Johnson, Ladanian Thomlinson and William Green on the roster, for pete's sake. But LT and Green have been on and off so far, which has hurt him. If they come around, he could work himself back in the mix.

Thanks for the 40 bucks: Brendan and Dave.

Brendan banked heavily on the Saints in his draft, and they've fucked him with a red-hot poker so far. Unless you count this week, where they carried him to his best showing of the year. Was it a one-week wonder, or are the Saints turning it around? I'm sure Brendan cares a lot more about the answer to that question than the rest of us.

Poor Dave. His season bottomed out this week with a 32-point output. Six of his eight starters scored less than five points. To put it in perspective, four individual players scored more than 32 points in the last two weeks.

Ouch.

How has it happened? Two words: Faulk Curse.

Well, that's all for this week. See you in a few!

*****

Keith Schweigert is the discoverer of Weapons of Mass Destruction. His "Mop Up" column appears every three weeks.

Next week: Steve Seeber provides his analysis of Week 8 in this space.

In two weeks: Rick Reitz chimes in with his thoughts on the league in Week 9.

This column is written on alternating weeks by Keith, Steve and Rick.

 

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