The Long Talk
"What?
I'm sorry, did you say something?"
"Yes! I said, are
you going to do something today or are you just going to stay on her bed and
further depress yourself?"
"Oh, I don't know. I
guess...I'll..."
"Could you put that
picture down and focus? You need to do something. It's been a year
and half since...All I'm saying is you need to start living again. You
need to get that sparkle back into your blue eyes. You need to find that
carefree blonde who was once full of energy."
"I am living. I
don't know how you can criticize me when you're the one acting like nothing
happened."
"I don't act like nothing
happened. I know what happened. I also know we're never gonna get
her back and-"
"Shut-up! Don't ever
say that. How can you say that? The police are still
investigating. There's still hope."
"No, there isn't."
"Shut-up. Get away
from me. Don't touch me."
"Fine. I won't touch
you. But you need to hear what I have to say, what I've been saying.
You need to do something, care about something other than her. You have
two other children who need their mother. They need you and you don't
even know they exist!"
"Stop yelling! I
know they exist. I also know our daughter is out there
somewhere...alone, scared, and she needs me too."
"Jessica's dead-"
"No! No, she isn't.
They haven't found her body. The police are investigating-"
"No, they're not
investigating. It's been a year and half since she disappeared.
They're not investigating."
"Yes, they are. They
have to be. My baby's out there. They have to still be
looking...they have to be."
"You have to face reality.
That picture in your hand is the only way you'll see Jessie."
"No. I don't believe
you. She's alive and she'll come back to me."
"You know, Jessie's
kidnapping didn't just happen to you. It happened to all of us.
We've been dealing with it. Why can't you? Why can't you love our
other children like you used to? Why can't you love me like you used
to?...I don't know-"
"I love you and the
kids."
"Do you? Well, you
never show it. You don't hug us or kiss us. You never come to any
of John's soccer games or Lizzie's concerts. The only thing you see and
think about is Jessie, and she's gone. She's dead."
"Maybe that's true.
Maybe I do care a lot about Jessie. Is that such a bad thing-to care
about a child that's been ripped from you? I think it's horrible that
you can just stop hoping for-"
"For what? A
miracle? You need to open you eyes, Jane. Your kids need you.
We need you and we're right here. You can help us, save us. We're
falling apart. John and Lizzie aren't doing as well in school.
They've told me they're scared to go anywhere alone. I've lost twenty
pounds and look like my father with gray hair and dark rings under my eyes.
Hell, I've been spending more and more time at the office and you didn't even
notice. You've noticed nothing and it kills me that all of this doesn't
even seem to bother you now. We need you and all you can do is sit on
her bed and look at her picture. Do you even know what I'm trying to
tell you?"
"What? What are you
trying to tell me?"
"I'm sick of it. I
love you, but I can't see you like this. I can't be around you this way.
I need to see at least hints of the woman I fell in love with fifteen years
ago. The woman who would drag me out of the ofice in the middle of the
day to have a picnic in the park just because it was a nice day. I
need-"
"You need? Too bad.
It's not like I see the man I fell in love with around here."
"How would you know?
You never talk to me. We don't even sleep in the same damn bed
anymore."
"All I know is, the man I
fell in love with would comfort me and take care of me and-"
"I did. I did take
care of you for the first year after it happened. I kept hoping and
praying that one day you would wake and say, 'Today is the day that I start
living again. Today I'm going to care about my family. Today I'm
going to remember that John and Lizzie need me too.' But it just never
happened. Month after month you just sat in her room. It just
never happened and I can't do it anymore. I can't. You're not
letting us move on...I don't think-"
"What are you saying, Dan?
Are you saying that you and John and Lizzie can't be around me anymore?"
"I don't know, maybe.
I don't know anymore, what's best for this family. But I do know
something needs to change and you can't seem to do that. You are
unwilling to change and something needs to change. Something just needs
to change..........I think we need to spend some time apart........Could you
at least look at me and say something?"
"I don't know what to
say."
"Do you even care that
this family is falling apart?"
"Yes...of course."
"Then why can't you just
drop that picture, stand up, and hug me, and tell me that you'll be alright,
that you'll change, that we'll be a family again?"
"I'm sorry Dan. I'm
just not ready to give up hope."
"You'll never be ready,
will you? You'll never be able to just let go and love us
again........It's getting late and John and Lizzie need to go to school."
"Ok, Dan. I'll see
you tonight."
"No...you won't."
Allison Wolfe