Burger King Shakes Make a Pretty Good Glue

What is your favorite adhesive for performing those intricate sticking together jobs? Is it one of the many brands and formulations of epoxy? Is it wood glue? model glue?  How about one of the "instant" super glues that seem to do a better job of lifting latent fingerprints then binding parts (Unless those "parts" happen to be your fingers). Well, how about a thick, creamy, vanilla milkshake? Say what? Yea, that's what I thought too.  But as this story unfolds, you will learn, as I did, of the seemingly amazing and equally unknown bonding properties of the vanilla shake.  It's up to you to decide if you still want to "drink" one of these things afterward.....

It was sometime in 1979, and the gang on Channel 13 were out and about as we often did, going to or from some place or another.  It was likely that we were bowling, due to the close proximity of the bowling alley to where we ended up.  Jimmy, Joe, Richie, Kenny and myself decided to stop after bowling to grab a bite to eat at the local Burger King in Whitpain township. I was a frequent visitor to this particular fast food joint as it was less than a mile from my house (And an easy ride on a bike) and I had known many people who had worked there over the years.  Being on friendly terms with these people often got me a few free items thrown in the bag when I stopped by.  But I digress.......  Anyway, on this particular night, there wasn't anyone working that I knew, so no extra goodies were forthcoming this time as we got our food and headed to the back of the restaurant to take a seat.  One of us (not me) had gotten a vanilla milkshake to wash down his food. As we were prone to do when we were together as a group, we began to bust each other's shoes.  Sooner or later the subject turned to the milkshake. After the initial predictable vulgar comparisons to other substances with a similar texture and composition, it was brought up that milkshakes could bind up your insides, sort of like eating paste. Actually, I think that was more of an urban legend at the time (Like the infamous "Pop Rocks" incident), but it served the purpose of lending some anecdotal credibility to the subject.  My contribution to the fray was that I had heard somewhere that milkshakes made good glue (I didn't seriously believe it, I just enjoyed busting shoes and made it up for the reaction it would bring). Well, one thing led to another and before you know it, Joe (I think) started putting dabs of milkshake on the feet of the table's napkin holder and set it back firmly on the table. We then finished up our meal and left for the night with the promise to come back sometime later and see if the "glue" actually worked.

As is also typical for us, we more or less forgot about the incident a day or so after that, but a week or so later, we were again out on the town and eventually found ourselves once again at the same Burger King.  Like before, we got our food and returned to the same seat.  We had pretty much forgotten about the milkshake until someone joked about whether the napkin holder was still "glued" down.  At that point, we looked to see if the holder was still in the same place where we had left it.  Sure enough, the "dabs" of milkshake had long since dried, but it appeared that it was in the very same position as we had left it.  One of us half-heartedly tried to move it, and it wouldn't budge (Hmmm). A second attempt with two hands and a stronger grip, and still the napkin holder wouldn't budge.  This was somewhat shocking, and we were determined to see what it would take to finally pull it up.  In the meantime, we went back to eating and eventually finished up.  Once we had cleared our trash from the table, one of us then reached up with a leg and kicked the napkin holder.  Finally, it broke free, but it left "glue" marks where the feet had been on the table.  It had taken a good bit of effort to finally break the napkin holder loose and we were all now firmly convinced (and also a little concerned) at this point, that milkshakes did indeed make a good glue. I, especially, was amazed to learn this after basically making the whole thing up as a joke. I don't think any of us ever got another vanilla milkshake after that.

But the story doesn't end there.  Like I said before, I used to frequent that particular Burger King quite often throughout the years and, up until sometime in the late 80's, when they totally remodeled the place and replaced all the tables and seats, those  4 "glue" spots remained on the table. I'm sure the people who work there only gently wipe the tables off, and not really scrub them.  But you would think that the marks from milkshake residue would slowly dissolve over a period of 7 or 8 years of damp wiping.  But they remained just the same.

So what really happened? Did the facts really conclusively support our assumption? We really did apply milkshake to the napkin holder. We did have some difficulty breaking it free a week later.  The residual glue marks did last for several years afterward. Those are the facts.  But is it possible that someone saw what we had done, removed the milkshake "glue", we left the first time, and then replaced it with some "real" glue suspecting that we'd come back to see what had happened and get a real shock (like we did)? That's certainly one explanation, but who normally goes around with a tube of glue in their pocket? Or are those nasty vanilla milkshakes really one of the best kept secrets in the field of adhesion?  I don't think I'll ever know for sure.  But someone might want to do some testing, and then notify the FDA........ I know I'll never drink another one......