THE CLAM DICTIONARY

CLAMS
CLAM (n.) - 1. Jocular, brazen, coniving, short-tempered, drinking, gambling, cheating, unique individual and member of the group Clams. 2. Encouraging chant enticing one to consume all alcoholic contents of a container.
Clamette (n.) - A female friend or romantic interest of the Clams, given ranking as a special member of the group. Attributes consist of: generally good-hearted (until broken-up with); misguided in attempts to change members of the group; loyal via defense of groups members to outsiders; good sense of humor; lacking in good judgement (they voluntarily hang out with this lot!).
Bruce (n.) - 1. Bruce Rupert (the original). 2. Any number of Clams or their associates, that did or did not attend MoMo, but played on Clam intramural teams under the guise of the original Bruce (Kerry Nee, Rick, Don, etc.)
Doug (v.) Alcohol induced reverse peristalsis of the alimentary canal. Usually expelled upon an unsuspecting young lady or her shoes while attempting to be debonaire. (n.) The Biguy.
Hogan (n.) - 1. Which one? 2. Hogan.
Jim (n.) Forceful, vile Flatulence. (v.) to expell forceful, vile flatulence. Known to bring other Clams to tears and to their knees. (n.) Reverend Jim aka, Friar Jim the Flatulator, The Fuelmaker.
MoonToad (n.) - 1. A rather large, generally inebreated individual appointed keeper of the bowler by divine right (no, not the watery tart), frequently found bellied up to the Bar at Leon's. Moontoad is a pleasantly natured creature, very protective of it's friends and comrades in arms, especially one Pipecleaner. Known for the phrase, "This is not a sight for a sober man!" 2. Matt.
Mulligan (v.) - Do over, repeat an attempt. (n.) Bryan Rosenberger, aka, The thing that wouldn't leave.
Pipecleaner (n.) - 1. Twisted wire with short stiff fibers attached used for cleaning the inside of pipes. 2. A Clam who runs as if said wire were unfortunately situated up his posterior cavity! 3. Jay
Puke (v.) The act of violently and forcefully regurgitating one's stomach contents. (n.) 1. Regurgitated stomach contents 2. Sterner.
Roman (n.) - 1. A resident of the city of Rome Italy, or any of the lands of its former glorious empire, 2. Aisle dwelling Clam of the spiked hair and musical talents, noted for jocularity of word, shortness of temper and prowess with the fairer sex.
Shawn (v.) To fall asleep at a Clam event, much as a little girl would after sniffing a beer cap. (n.) Spotty.
Spaz (v.) To freak out and blither profusely. (n.) The V-Man.
Spike (v.) 1. To forcefully hit a volleyball into the ground, net or an opponent. 2. To enhance a sissy girly drink with alcohol. (n.) Booby Hess.
Toast (n.) 1. A Clam unable to render a decision or take a single stand on an issue. (see also Milktoast) 2. what one can make with an inoperable video. 3. Steve
Tom (v.) To empty one's thimble repeatedly during Clam drinking events. (n.) Shades.


TERMS AND PHRASES
As well you should (phr.) - You damn well better!
Be off with you (v.) Get the fuck outta here, and accomplish the task at hand. As in "We're out of beer, Spotty, be off with you!"
Book of Biguy (n.) A drug induced, skewed, sometimes even factual, historical account of the life and times of one Douglas "Biguy" Zigari through the year 1985.
Boot to the head (v.) The act of striking another Clam about the cranial region. Initially accomplished through the use of the rubber padded armpit end of a crutch, although expanded to any object deemed suitable to use for striking. (n.) a ritualistic Clam activity by where a Clam will profusely and repeatedly strike the skull of another Clam with a blunt object. Said object has been known to be in the form of crutch padding or text book
Bowler (n.) The vile, forbidden headwear of Clam lore. This relic / icon, property of the Moontoad, was worn by Shades during poker games, giving unfair, girly advantage to said Clam. It has been banished for all eternity from Poket after an unpresedented run of luck.
Case of beer (n.) - 1. 24 beers. 2. Device for getting a Clam's attention 3. One of few acceptable bribes a Clam may receive for ratting out a fellow Clam. 4. Four times the Clams' traditional bet.
Clam-like (adj.) - 1. Of or associated with the Clams. Acceptable and preferred by said group. 2. In the manner of said group.
Complete and utter (adj.) - Total; without exception; beyond doubt; all encompassing.
Complete and utter bastard (n.) See Clam
Copious (adj.) - A large amount, equivalent to that required to get one drunk, sick or both.
Crawly Bum Lick (v.) - 1. The act of sucking up majorly for no good reason, other than to be a suck up. 2. Sticking your tongue straight down the back of another's trousers.
Dingleberry Pronunciation Key (dnggl-br) - (n.) (Vulgar Slang) 1. A piece of dried feces caught in the hair around the anus. 2. An incompetent, foolish, or stupid person of great annoyance to one or more Clams.
Drinking Window (n) - 1. Abbrviated period of time, in which a Clam must throw back as much alcohol as he planned on drinking the entire night, allowing for a "dry period" in which his blood alcohol content will decrease to a legal limit to enable him to drive home. Windows of 30 minutes have been known to require said Dry Periods days long to reach the legal blood alcohol limit again. 2. College definition - 24 - 7 - 365!
Firing them off (v.) The result of giving Jim large quantities of Genny Cream Ale and Chilli Dogs.
Full frontal (n.) The state of fully exposing one's parts.
Gaack (n.) Nerd, geek, dolt, a person with whom Clams wish not to associate, but somehow often do.
Gennessee Cream Ale (n.) - Definitely NOT the official alcoholic beverage of the Clams. One of the main ingredients of the proficient fuel-making talents of Friar Jim.
Have [that] removed (v.) - To dispose of or discard urgently; get rid of quickly.
HOI (excl.) - Exclamation of disgust with anothers' stupidity at comprehending a situation. Synonym - DUH.
I have Me'd and it is well (coll.) - Phrase frequently uttered by the one who Jims just after Jimming. Serves as a warning to all surrounding Clams, often followed by a mad dash to the door, or to an open window. Abbrev. - UGH!
Incoming (n.) 1. Warning from a Clam that some type of projectile, parts, or other vile item or substance (including anal gasses) are headed one's way. 2. Said object, projectile or substance. 3. (v.) Get your ass down you fool!!
Jocularity (n.) a state of much well humor often experienced at any clam gathering of 2 or more.
John Thomas (n.) 1. You FREAKIN' POOF!! WHY ARE YOU LOOKING THIS ONE UP! If ever there was a suspect action.... 2. Parts...'nuff said!
Keith Harris (n.) One who makes enormous sums of money by sticking his fist up a duck's bottom.
KLANG! (exp.) - The sound of failure accompanying a potentially successful scoring attempt, as it meets with metal and goes horribly awry. Usually pertaining to Football, hockey, basketball or soccer.
Moon Cow (n.) 1. Forbidden poker idol of the Biguy. It's presence at the poker table has been known to make Clams empty their wallets 2. Not to be confused with Moon Toad
No Way! (excl.) - 1. Cool. 2. Awesome.
Partake (v.) - to consume or indulge, usually a copious amount of something. "Come, let us partake in leisure!" - Spotty
Parts (n.) 1. A Clams genitialia 2. Any appendage associated with a Clam. 3. Pieces Parts 4. Parts is Parts.
Supple (adj.) - Sexy, firm, wanty and attractive; as in a woman. Come wench and be supple.
PISS OFF POSTIE!!! (excl.) - A term of general abuse.
Pisspot (n.) - 1. Container for holding human urine, as demonstrated in "The History of the World - Part 1". 2. One who is engaged in a sustained period of verbal whining and complaining.
Poof! (n., adj.) General term of Clam abuse not unlike faggot, knob-end, Fascist, Nazi, Bottom-boil, and Bogey-Bum.
Punishment (n.) - The high proof alcohol of the moment to be quaffed on demand, as determined by any other Clam present, in retribution for any vile and/or repugnant statement or act.
Said (adj.) Pertaining to a particular item or person. e.g. Said parts shall be lopped off if you brag again!
SEED (n.) - One guilty of committing a stupid act, uttering ridiculous verbiage, or executing a foolish gaming move, ie. an off the wall, losing football pool pick. Generally, said individual is publicly proclaimed and ridiculed.
4-9-5-2 (n.) - An unfeeling, heartless, albeit accurate depiction of one of MoMo's computer science majors and her fluctuating height.
She Bit It! (excl.) - A completely unfeeling, heartless, shameful, and yet again accurate account of said 4-9-5-2's challenges of traversing down steps.
Soiled (adj.) - Dirty or filthy in a vile manner, generally as a result of bodily excrement, self urination, or other bodily expulsion.
Soil (v.) - To make dirty in the above manner.
Squat Hex (n.) - Demonic curse, placed on an unsuspecting adversary, performed by "loading up" one's index and pinkie fingers with negative energy, accomplished by frantically, yet rhythmically, waving the hand of said fingers back and forth, all the while grunting/humming a building and upward scaling "mmmmMMMM" chant to a crescendo of a perfectly synchronized "SQUAT" bellow and negative energy discharge, via said index and pinkie fingers, as thrust in the direction of the offending target. Said hex's desired result being a negative impact on the task at hand of the vile enemy, who, having been naughty in our sight, will hopefully be a complete and utter failure. Most commonly used on FG kickers of opposing football teams.
stop sign (n.) 1. Eight sided metal sheet, painted red with large letters used as traffic control. 2. A room decoration generally obtained by late night acquisition. 3. Poker table.
Sub (n.)(whimpered excl.) - A call by a Clam thoroughly wounded in the Parts by a high velocity projectile on the field of battle. Said term was first uttered sheepishly by Sir Wamz.
Suspect (adj.) - Pertaining to a word, words, or phrase that points to ones latent homosexuality. (n.) One who uses such a word or phrase.
Testicle Holder - One who determines the period of time a CLAM cannot leave the house.
Toga (n.) Any linen bed sheet that can be nicked from Bill Maniati's home and worn to a party of the same name.
Took A Shit (v.) - Broke, died, failed, ceased to be, fell apart like the horrid piece of cow dung it was. I held my spades and drew 2 cards, but my hand took a shit.
UGH! (excl.) 1. Guttoral utterance, often heard upon flatulant gas releases by Jim.
Very Bad (adj.) - Deeply unfortunate, sad, or stupid. Mulligan just mouthed off to Doug Breen, very bad!
Weapon (the) (n.) - 1. A long pugelistic device crafted of aluminum used in pummelling poor, defenseless, little neck or cherry stone Clams across a field in ritualistic pre-game activities. 2. Also wielded by Clams in a game of softball.
Well (n.) A positive state of being as forcefully proclaimed by a Clam. e.g. We are going to a strip club and it shall be well!
Wench (n.) - A female of supple stature who's sole purpose is to service every wish, want, and/or wanton desire of a Clam. (v.) To hunt for or otherwise seek a woman of such talents.
What Ho! (col.) Words passed between two Clams upon meeting in person or on IM. Also, an offer to a fellow Clam!

ACTIVITIES
Chinning (v.) - Derivative of 'wet willie', performed by making a fist, slobbering profusely on the cavity formed by the index finger and thumb, and stealthfully sneaking up behind an unsuspecting Clam and ramming and grinding the moistened area of the fist on said Clam's chin. (n.) The act itself. Credit - Spotty.
Cups (n.) - The favorite drinking game of the Clams. A seemingly innocent plastic cup is flipped in turn among the participants. The "flipper" selects another Clam to drink should said cup land upside down. All Clams drink if said cup lands right-side up, a social. Any combination of 3 approved landings enables the "flipper" to make a rule. Any flip not landing in an approved manner is punishable by the "flipper" having to drink and pass his turn. Flipping off the table is right out, and the flipper must drink an entire drink and pass his turn. Said game has been played at wedding receptions, birthday parties, at bars on boats in Florida and in a team version in an attempt to assassinate the Friar, to name a few.
Golf (n.) - Outdoor sport offering one the opportunity to dress horribly, decapitate friends, mame birds, damage vehicles, destroy equipment and try to whack one's ball into a cup hundreds of yards away.
ALICE! (exp.) - 1. Woman's name 2. Clam chant performed to inform a golfer of a putt left rather unmasculinely short of the cup.
Birdie (n.) 1. Completion of a hole of golf in one less than the prescribed number of shots (par). 2. What the Roman hit on the 4th fairway at the Bethlehem Executive Golf Course.
Putter cover (n.) - 1. protective, often decorative, cloth that encompasses the head of a putter to guard it from damage. 2. Impromptu snot rag for Spotty during cold golf outtings.
Hockey (n.) - Sport of the Clams where one can hit opposing players with sticks, fists, flying body blocks, oh yes, and try to put a puck into a net.
Great Wide Open (n.) - Netted area behind a Clam hockey goalie where many a hockey ball resides.
Poker (n.) 1. The Chance Game of Clams, where several increasingly inebreated Clams sit about a table, or Do Not Enter sign, imbibing massive quantities of beer, ale, and/or punishment whilst releasing bodily gasses and repeatedly abusing, chastising, and swearing at one another for recreation. Clams have been known to travel in excess of 100 miles for such a gatheriing. Oh, cards are dealt amongst the Clams and gambling does occur. 2. See Poket. 3. ...I hardly even know her!
Poket (n.) see Poker
5 of Diamonds (n.) 1. 4th card of the Diamond suit in a standard poker deck. 2. Said card has been known to be a bad financial omen for the Roman.
All-in (n.) 1. Maximum bet one can make in Texas Hold'em or Omaha 2. One who is bold enough to make such a bet. (v.) 1. Hanging one's parts out in the breeze.
Basket (n.) 1. Wicker container 2. Recepticle used for catching falling playing cards that have been fumbled, dropped or some other manner of poorly shuffled by a Clam in a poket game. Synonym - 4 Nuns.
Domino, blue (n.) In poket, equivalent to 5 cents (U.S.).
Domino, green (n.) In poket, equivalent to 10 cents (U.S.).
Domino, yellow (n.) In poket, equivalent to 25 cents (U.S.).
Fisting For 50 (n.) The undesirable, Jeopardy-like category used to describe ones costly misfortunes at the poket table.
Hurricane Gloria (n.) Founding Mother of Clam Poker. The cause of nasty weather cancelling classes that propmted Biguy and Shades to brave the high winds and copius rain to seek out beer and poker chips for the inaugural Clam poker game.
Jack (n.) - 1. Third mechanic of Manny and Moe fame, 2. First punishment of Clam poker games, taken down from shelf in Jim and Biguy's room and passed around the table until empty.
Mexican Boat (n.) In poket, to get 3 pair in one hand, three pairs of rowers, aka, The 'proverbial' 3 pair.
One thin (n.) 1. Dime, 2. Equivalent to 10 cents (U.S.), 3. See Domino, green.
Polish Straight (n.) In poket, to get 5 cards in a series by increments of 2. e.g. 3, 5, 7, 9, J. Said hands beats absolutley nothing.
Royal Flush (n.) In poket, the highest hand one can attain. Will incite all Clams not holding it, to vulgar verbiage. The holder of said hand will then become owner of the deck from whence it was dealt.
Stacking (v.) Forbidden poker practice by which one places poker chips of like color in girly, poofy, neat even piles. Not to be confused with the piling of beer cans by Brave Sir Hogan.
Tally sheet (n.) - Paper used to inaccurately record the poket winnings and losings of the Clams. Such recordings to be taken by a highly skilled and thouroughly inebriated accounting major at 5:30 AM.
Welt Wars (n.) - Full contact ping pong game, where the object is to forcefully smite an opposing player with the ping pong ball, thus causing a welt to form. Scoring is rarely kept and loosely defined, said game is over when one team surrenders, or an alcoholic thirst overtakes the competitors.
Wet Willie (v.) The act of copiously salivating / drooling upon ones digits, then viciously and unsuspectingly violating another Clam's Aural Canal whilst all other Clams watch in jocularity and disgust. This act should never be performed alone or in groups of two as it would then be suspect and girly. (n.) The act itself. Credit - Spotty


COLLEGE
115 Bernhardt (n.) - Home of Biguy and the one who Jims. Last door on the right before the bathroom. Birth site of Clam poker. Location of numerous parties, drinking events, sporting events, jocularity and debauchery. Very possibly one of the most written up dorm rooms at MoMo.
Comenius (n.) - 1. Philosopher and founder of Moravian College (MoMo) 2. Main educational hall of MoMo, not to be confused with the man himself. Comenius was once falsely accused of having been defiled by having the entire Clam community 'enter the rear' of him. Said entering has not been proven false by the accuser however.
HUB (n.) - 1. The Haupert Union Building at Moravian College. 2. The original Clam Bed, occupied and defended by the Clams from 1982 til 1987.
Leons (n.) - Bar owned by Moontoad and Pipecleaner, located in their dorm room. Multiple uses included, but were not limited to: alcohol storage; alcohol theft; underage drinking; intoxication; pornography viewing; suave advances; cartoon addictions; homework interruptions; good luck charm housing and home to wayward Clams who's roomate was sexing his wench.
Monocacy Creek (n.) - Moving body of water across from the Lower MoMo Softball Field famous for the impromptu bathing of Sir Spotty the Blotch after emerging victorious in a softball game, thus angering and infuriating many aged anglers.
MoMo (n.) - see Moravian College.
Moravian College (n.) - 1. Sixth oldest institution of higher learning in the US. Located in Bethlehem, PA, and founded by philospher and accused flaming homosexual Comenius. 2. Birthplace of the Clams and their home for their early, formative years. (slang) - MoMo.
Beta (n.) - Gay MoMo fraternity and gathering place of cranially challenged neanderthals. Only frequented by Clams when is search of cheap beer and loose wenches.
OGO (n.) - see Beta
SPO (n.) - see Beta
Quad (n.) - 1. Sporting field at MoMo, located between the HUB and Wilhelm-Bernhart, that was site of many Clam sporting events. 2. Clam drinking location.
Westgate Distributors (n.) - Warehousing operation supplying alcoholic libations for many a Clam gathering.
Ye Olde Brewery Tavern (n.) - Bethlehem landmark near the MoMo campus used as a frequent gathering place for post sports competition celebrations, where Clams consumed copious amounts of Steamers and many pitchers of beer, terrorized patrons as they staggered to the dart board and made unwanted, wanton advances toward the Serving Whenches therein


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